Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Roaming The Still Dessert of Germantown

 There is something spiritual about rain, I've decided. Something so peaceful and cleansing for the soul. Even the hardest rain can be so liberating, washing away stress and confusion. 
Tonight it rained on the way home from the movies. I just felt an overwhelming peace come over me. Peaceful moments are when my mind can really absorb all that my life is and has been and what I hope it to be. So, tonight, driving in the rain, that's what I thought about. I love the irony in that. I always seem to find God in the irony of things. Here I am, in the rain, thinking about my life and where its at.... And its in the dessert, a practically rainless place. The dessert is so vast and unending it seems. An easy place to get lost in. An easy place to wander with no direction or landmarks to point you in which way to turn. On either side of the dessert is something to be lived. On one side, its where you've been. On the other side, its where you're heading- the place of dreams, goals, expectations, or purpose. Though one thing is for sure, you must journey it to reach your destination.

I began reading in Exodus last week. Reading the Old Testament always stirs so many questions in me. But one question that keeps surfacing in Exodus is: What is wrong with the Israelites?!!
I mean really. You've been slaves in Egypt for generations. God has taken you out of slavery. Leads you through a dessert, and ultimately to the promised land. All while providing absolutely everything you need to thrive and see His love and power. And all you fall back on is faithless confusion and frustration. It's so ungrateful and foolish!

It's easy for me to sit back and read about these people and judge them. And, for the most part that's what I've done so far... Until tonight, in the rain. I realized I am exactly like them!
Exodus 14:8
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

That verse grabbed my heart and unwrapped
my soul in half a second. I couldn't let go of it. It felt like it jumped right out at me. Be Still. This isn't the first time I have heard Be Still. In fact, the past 2 years I have heard it SO many times & places. Every time it pierces me to the core. But this time things became so clear. My life has been perfectly still for a year now. So peaceful. Absolutely still, quiet waters. This sounds great. It sounds like what everyone wants to achieve. But, I don't want to be still. I want to run, sprint to this purpose I feel so strong in my soul. And here I am, an Israelite, roaming through the dessert of Germantown. He has brought me so far and provided so much. Yet, I'm constantly asking God to show me His next turn for my life, open these doors, I'm ready, Move God... Move God.... MOVE GOD! God keeps softly telling me the same thing. I've seen His faithful blessings and gracious miracles the past 2 years. Like, blessings & miracles I only half understand but completely enjoy. Like the Israelites, I get lost in the expectations of NOW. Though, He IS preparing me. Deep down I know this, which is why BE STILL resonates with me the way it does. But because my expectations aren't being met in this exact moment, I start to feel lost and frustrated, even disappointed.

This state of being still comes so unnaturally. I want to fight it. I search, and work, and pray for answers. But, gently I'm reminded of this state of being still- when for a moment I. just. let. go. This state of my heart being still- Where I just embrace what it means to live to worship Him. Where I live what Ive been given.
God has revealed what I feel called to do, what I feel called to be, where I feel called to go. That is what has been so hard to wait for. Like, the Israelites, there will be a dessert between this destination. This part of my dessert is still right now. But its sand and wind is molding and shaping my heart. The journey is building my faith. And Jesus is guiding me through it. 

Tonight I finally decided its time to listen and be still. Trusting that He is growing me and preparing me for His perfect timing. So, my life & soul is still right now. And that's okay :)

"Bloom where you are planted"

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