This being my first post, I feel the need to tell you where I am in my life at the moment. I'm sure, if this blog survives, you will pick up on many things about my past, current state, and plans for the future. I am a very open person and chances are I will write more then I would be willing to share face to face. I'm considering this blog as therapy...So it could get ugly ;)
I have been married to my "high school sweetheart" for 6 years. We have two boys, Stone,3, and Sylas, 6 weeks. So be warned in advance...some of these postings may be coming from a hormonal rant. Its a possibility, not a guarantee (or the other way around..?). So here goes it:
My 3 year old, Stone, is the Most interesting person I have ever met! He is strong-willed, affectionate, aggressive, hilarious, loud, Energetic, brilliant, and most of all, very tender hearted. My 6 week old, Sylas, is a newborn!! He is completely snugly, and precious, and cries when he isn't being held, and wakes up every 3 hours around the clock to be fed. Because my husband works 2 jobs so I can stay home and raise our children... that is Exactly what I do. 24 hours a day I have both of our sweet babies under my wing. And.. its Exhausting!!!! To play it down, and act like I have it all under control and down to a science with nothing but a smile on my face and a song in my heart would be a bold face lie. There are times (when one little boy is pitching a screaming fit on the kitchen floor, and the other is crying to be fed and I have spit up all over my neck and food stuck in my hair and I'm 20 minutes late for some appointment, for example) when I wonder how on earth I am going to keep my sanity.
Lately, I have been extremely exhausted. My mom took Stone for the afternoon, so that I could sleep. Sylas and I took a wonderful 3 hour nap. This was my second nap for the day. My first was 2 hours during Stone's nap. Once I woke up from the dead, Sylas and I made our way out to the Vaughn Compound for a delicious home cooked meal by my chef..I like to call her Mom. It's crazy to me that after 3 or 4 days at the house with the boys, I think "OK, its time for a little break. I need just a few hours to relax", but whenever I do get that time, I pick my babies up and it feels like days since I saw them last. Tonight was no different when I picked up Stone.
On our way back home, I didn't turn the radio on. I didn't talk on my phone. No distractions. Stone and I talked for a few minutes about the stars and God, and then silence crept into the car. It was peaceful. Quiet. As I pulled up to the stop light under 385, the silence was almost deafening. Until I heard little breaths. Inhale, Exhale. Exhale, Inhale. My babies were asleep. I could hear both of their breathing patterns overlapping each other. My heart fluttered, almost like a palpitation. Every other ride, how distracted I've been- the other drivers beside me, the radio, talking on my phone, worrying about things I can't control. But in this moment, under the stars, in the silence, I felt an overwhelming peace and contentment flood my spirit- The rhythm of my babies breathing, knowing that they are safe, and healthy, and happy. No doubt, God was making me aware of his obvious sweet blessings in my life. It doesn't matter how sleep deprived, worn out, or spent I may feel, there is nowhere in the world I would rather be, no other person I would want to trade places with, then where I am in my life right now. The light turned green too quickly. I was enjoying the sweet rhythms of my blessings. But, it gave me the rest of my ride home to praise God for his grace and mercy in my life. If He chose to remove His mighty hand from my life, keeping his blessings to himself and never graciously sharing another with me, He has given me more then I could ever dream of, hope for, or deserve with 2 tiny little lives. Stone and Sylas, two Blessings that would be enough for 100 lifetimes. Tonight in my prayers, I will be thanking God for that peaceful stop light.